the source, part two

I woke up an hour early this morning, so after laying around a while uselessly trying to go back to sleep I got up and did my workout.

I thought I should clarify what I wrote last night, which was really just an emotional deluge. Becoming involved in a church has been, for me, a bit like becoming involved in a romantic relationship. There are enormous amounts of passion, trust, commitment, and vulnerability that go into such a relationship. In the past I have become involved with churches only to discover that it was not a good fit. Troubling differences, little signs, and pressures that felt wrong have showed me that those churches were not the ones I belonged with. I have never felt quite the sense of rightness with any other church than I feel with VCF. I go there hungry for the Spirit, for teaching, and for guidance, and I am filled. So when I say that I am pouring myself out, it is not that I am giving so generously of myself, but rather that I am emptying and opening up places within me that I have held closed and guarded for some time. It's frightening, but this is what I must do if I am to be used by God for people.